![]() ![]() It’s personal, but I would say broadly what is essential is that which gives us our self-worth. WHAT QUALITIES SHOULD BE ESSENTIAL, AND WHICH ARE THE DEAL-BREAKERS? Does your partner meet your essential needs? If they don’t, there should be some open communication about this in a non-argumentative space. We all need to have an understanding of what is important to us in a relationship, and what can be negotiated and worked on. So it is also important to focus on why you’re there. If you’re already thinking about whether you should end a relationship, it’s easy to find reasons to do so. Look at what’s preventing you from leaving. ![]() WHAT’S THE FIRST THING YOU SHOULD DO IF YOU’VE STARTED TO QUESTION YOUR RELATIONSHIP? ‘Or if we’re leaving, we’re capping our regrets, and moving on with our lives.’ While no one can make your mind up for you, here are Vaselli’s thoughts on some common questions we should ask ourselves at the (potential) end of an affair. ‘If we’re staying, then we have to work on it,’ says Vaselli. ‘Everything about a partnership is on a fluctuating continuum and we should always be asking ourselves whether it’s meeting our essential needs.’Įventually though, that decision will need to be made. ‘It’s healthy to continuously re-evaluate your relationship,’ says Vaselli. Meanwhile – and perhaps making matters more complicated – the fact you’re questioning your relationship doesn’t always indicate it has run its course. ‘When our partner does something unforgivable, everyone tells us we should leave, and we know ourselves that that’s what we should do.’ But when there are no big visible fractures in the relationship, other than your own creeping doubt, ‘It leads to a loss of your sense of self,’ says Vaselli. ‘Ambivalence is a very difficult place to be,’ explains Allegra Vaselli, psychotherapist at The School of Life. Because, while no one wants to be hurt or wronged by their partner, the grey area in-between carries its own psychological damage. In short, how do you know whether you should stay or go?Ī new book from The School of Life, Stay Or Leave: A Guide To Whether To Remain In, Or End, A Relationship, delves into this indecision – and the pain that comes with it. But in these scenarios, the decision to leave can be that much harder. Often, it’s more like a slow, gentle, fizzling out of love, or a feeling that ‘friendship’ has overtaken ‘relationship’. Not every relationship comes to a dramatic end with a scandalous affair or total betrayal. ![]() Is your relationship still worth fighting for? Is it okay to be comfortable, rather than passionately in love? Anna Bonet asks psychotherapist Allegra Vaselli the questions we contemplate when making decisions of the heart ![]()
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